Reclaiming My Identity Outside of Motherhood: Why It Matters and How I’m Doing It

When Did I Start to Feel Invisible?

It wasn’t one specific moment. It was a slow fade.

Motherhood has a way of consuming everything—your time, your body, your name. One day you’re Elle, with dreams and hobbies and playlists that aren’t all Disney. The next, you’re just “Mom.” Provider. Nurturer. Problem-solver. The one who remembers the field trip forms and the dentist appointments and what time aftercare closes.

Being a single mom and sole provider adds another layer. There’s no shared mental load. No one to remind you that you used to be more than a to-do list in leggings.

I love my daughter with every piece of me. But somewhere along the way, I stopped checking in on the other pieces—the ones that made me, me.

Why Losing Yourself in Motherhood Is So Common

Most moms I know have felt this to some degree. But for single moms, especially those without co-parenting support, the weight hits differently.

You become the emotional anchor, the financial provider, the daily decision-maker. There’s no “Can you take this one?” It’s all on you.

And while that responsibility builds strength, it can also blur your identity until all you see is survival mode.

The Problem With Putting Yourself Last

We hear this all the time: “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

But real talk? That’s hard to practice when the bills don’t care if you’re tired, and your child still needs dinner even when you’re burnt out.

Still, here’s what I’ve come to believe:

Your child deserves the full, vibrant version of you—not just the responsible one.

When we lose ourselves in motherhood, we teach our kids that a woman’s identity is only tied to service. I want my daughter to see me chasing joy. I want her to know that a mom can also be an artist, a dreamer, a whole woman.

So… Who Am I Now?

This is the question I started asking myself recently—not in a crisis way, but with curiosity.

• What do I actually enjoy doing alone?

• What parts of me have I silenced for the sake of survival?

• Who am I when no one is asking me for anything?

It felt awkward at first. Like trying on clothes I hadn’t worn in years. But eventually, I started to recognize myself again.

What Reclaiming My Identity Actually Looks Like

It’s not about a big reinvention. It’s about remembering the small things that light you up—and making room for them again.

1. I’m making space to create again.

Writing was always my outlet. Now, it’s this blog. It’s not just for income—it’s for me. My words. My voice. My experiences.

2. I take solo time seriously.

Even if it’s just a solo lunch or an early bedtime with a book. I stopped waiting for someone to “give” me time—I take it.

3. I’m dressing for me.

Not every day, but when I do get dressed with intention—even in something simple—it shifts how I carry myself. I look in the mirror and see a woman again, not just a mom on autopilot.

4. I’m nurturing friendships that reflect who I am now.

Not all my old friendships made the transition into motherhood. And that’s okay. I’m building new relationships that support the woman I’m becoming—not just the one I used to be.

5. I let myself want more.

More joy. More creativity. More fun. I stopped apologizing for not being content with “just surviving.”

For the Mom Who Feels Lost Right Now…

You are still in there.

The dreams. The personality. The desires that aren’t about anyone else. They didn’t die when you became a mom—they just got quiet. But you can turn the volume back up.

You don’t have to wait until your child is older or your situation changes.

Start small:

• Take a picture of yourself that makes you feel beautiful.

• Say yes to something that’s just for you.

• Say no to something that drains you.

• Create something—anything.

Because the most powerful thing you can give your child is a mother who feels whole.

Start with a small daily ritual—just for you.

Here are a few easy ideas:

• Brew your morning coffee and actually sit to drink it—no phone, no multitasking.

• Keep a journal on your nightstand and write one sentence a day about you, not your child.

• Create a “You” playlist. Songs that remind you of who you were before and who you want to become.

• Set a weekly solo date—walks, skincare, quiet reading time. Put it on your calendar like any other appointment.

Need help getting started?

Check out the Self-Care and Motherhood sections right here on MamaLuxeLife for more relatable tips, stories, and products that speak to your season.

Explore More